Where to start...

For those of you who know me. I'm big on words. I like to find the perfect word for the perfect moment. That being said, you may also notice that my capitalization and punctuation are not %100 here. That's because this blog is intended to be my outlet. Not a literary magazine.

Now.. Back to the words. I've always considered myself to be somewhat of a poet. Certainly nothing of Frost's caliber ... Maybe Ginsberg or Dickinson when my heart feels it just right. words are my instrument of emotion In this life.... So what about the moments lately where I am speechless.. For those who care enough to have read this far.. This is my story.. I hope maybe my words here can help some of you in YOUR speechless moments.

I am 24 years old.. 25 this coming may... My wife and I have been together now for  2 years married for 18 months. My wife changed everything that I THOUGHT was crucial and necessary.. For the better...  Now I'm horrible with time frames and flashbacks but about 10 months ago my wife and I had a pregnancy scare... We both got kind of excited and hopeful though it was a surprise and very unplanned... Well her period came ( late) and we both felt a little uncertain of our emotions. We talked and decided that we wouldn't actively try... But we wouldn't be to cautious either... Some of you I'm sure find this scenario very familiar.. Well.. Her next cycle came.. Late .. Later... " ok let's take a test." Positive. We were excited.. So excited.. But we decided to wait to tell anyone.. A wise choice considering the event a week or so later when she miscarried(speechless).. We were devastated.. Naturally.. However I felt lower than I have ever felt before in my life.. Over being a dad??? Blindsided by my emotions(speechless).... I have told a handful of my close friends.. But here I will tell you all... This is the HARDEST thing I have EVER dealt with in my ENTIRE life.. And some shit has gone down in the past. ...

We decided to keep trying and with her next cycle we found the familiar excitement of a late period... Though feeling more cautious of that now... We took a test. positive again! We decided after about a week to tell several people... And to our horror.. A week later. We had the second miscarriage(speechless).... A month passed and the same routine ripped through our hearts like a hollow point slug(speechless).... We've taken steps.. Towards hormone adjustments... And DNA checks.... But for now... All I can be is patient and prayerful... More posts to come... The more the merrier on this journey... I'm reaching out.... Anyone else can do the same.... Peace and love....

-DanRo