Empathy

When I started this blog I didn't really know where it would take me or how it would work out. I certainly wasn't crying for attention. Just longing for peace of mind....

I thought it would be difficult after a few posts to keep the ball rolling.... But here I am writing again... Sometimes it's the only way I can make sense of anything.

Apart from our infertility struggles, I have had some health issues of my own. I've had abdominal pain for a few months now. But I feel like it has become progressively worse the past few weeks. Under my Dr.'s orders I went in for an ultrasound of my abdomin this morning.

I've never had this procedure. Though very uninvasive, it hurt.. Her pushing on my sore spots...  Brandy and I had decided months ago that if we ever conceive. There will be no ultrasound... I won't expand on our reasoning.. But If you are curious I'm open on my opinions :) .. Before I Ieft the hospital this morning I posted to Facebook that I had left the procedure using the the word "ultrasound" which I was skeptical of because of its association with pregnancy and well... To be frank. We aren't pregnant... And I'm very frustrated with that.....and the melancholy words "..now, we wait."

Well sure enough the questions came in.. Are you guys pregnant?? One after another.... Wrenching... It's so awful to meet peoples excited inquiries with a bitter taste...... That's not me.... 

Some may not know.. But I am an empath... I'm very hypersensitive to moods and emotions. And I'm very good at reading people... The worst feeling in the world (for me) is the disappointment someone else feels towards me... And I feel like I'm disappointing a lot of pple today.... But most importantly... I'm disappointing myself.. I need to meditate on how I'm handling everything today.. I may find the answers, I may not.. Patient and prayerful.... Tears or none.